What Keeps You Up at Night?

After chores, I’ll lay on the couch looking at the ceiling acutely aware that we’re caged by our circumstances. In the 70’s the saying was "think outside the box". Think differently. Get a new perspective. Go beyond your boundaries or comfort zone. I know we are what we think and that our thoughts precede action.

My intellectual challenge was to connect random facts, acts and events to form continuous lines that define larger patterns. Life is a puzzle. Never comes with a manual. We must figure it out. It’s never easy lifting that mental pencil to find connections. But I’ve practiced it enough times that it has become my super power. Do it enough times and pictures come together automatically. However, making these connections my whole life has also lead to bad thought habits that are impossible to break. And so I realized that many of my perceived difficulties and problems reside inside an imagined boundary that I’ve believed are impossible to overcome. Voila. The heart of the matter is that we confine ourselves to vague barriers that we believe we can’t overcome.

In Old Testament times, there was a King who plunged the nation into hard times. People lost hope when King Ahab was done killing all of God’s servants. He thought he got rid of all of them until God spoke. The prophet Elisha ordered the child of a prophet to go anoint another as King. See sometimes, when we think all is lost, God sends a child to do his work. It’s that easy for Him. Elisha told the boy, go and take the box of oil, and pour it on Jehu’s head, and say, Thus saith the LORD, I have anointed thee king over Israel. Then open the door, and flee, and tarry not.

The boy went and found Jehu, a captain in King Ahab’s army, and pulled him aside privately. He pulled out the box and broke it open to release the oil over him. The anointing positioned and empowered Jehu for his job. Telling you to "think outside the box" does not set you free. You must break the box of self-criticism, fear and defeat. Break the box to step into God’s plans for your life.  If you think all is lost, then look for the child – an event, circumstance or angel sent into your life who will break the box and deliver God’s anointing over you to position you for success.

The Gangster Life

So I was 14 when I recommitted my life to God. Still a child by definition, but old in some regards. Growing up, Grandma tried to cheat me out of myself, kind of like the military does with soldiers in boot camp - reprogrammed to follow orders. She wanted to kill my ability to think independently. I understood what she required. Played along until she’d get a rise out of me, and it was on. I couldn’t help fighting back. My spirit was all I had. I hung onto it for dear life. We were dirt poor but somehow survived. Grandma took meager savings family gave her and lent money for interest. Guess you can call it loan sharking.

Grandma and I went out on a job one night. This guy needed a loan. The building had no elevator so we walked up five flights. Already at age eight, I had keen instincts from everything we’d been through. I rehearsed a mental plan in case we ran into trouble. Run. The door opened and a Dominican fresco smiled in Fruit of the Loom underwear. Friendly enough. His girlfriend stood behind him in a thong wearing a sheer baby doll. She came over and smiled. I gotta admit, I hesitated. Never seen customers like this in all my life. Grandma flinched for a sec. He motioned us in, heading into the bedroom for some clothes.

The apartment didn’t smell like it was lived in, no food scents, detergents or fragrant candles filled the air. The place felt empty, without the usual collection of ornaments families gather from shopping sprees or travel souvenirs. When he returned to us, he told his story. Explained why he needed the cash. I relaxed knowing he wouldn’t harm us. It was stressful work but I developed a sixth sense, learned to read cracks on the wall. We made the deal and made money off the transaction that night.

But the kicker was, it took 20 years before I realized my relationship with God felt a lot like that empty apartment. I was empty inside because I fought my heavenly Father, just like I had fought my Grandmother when growing up. Somehow felt God was cheating me out of myself if I surrendered everything. Thought giving my heart would be good enough until God caught me one night, pondering my miserable state. I wasn’t happy. My life played before me like a movie trailer and I understood that’s not how God wanted things between us. He is a living, breathing, personal God. A full time God. He requires first place in our lives for the relationship to work. Not just an occasional Bible reading while it mostly collects dust on a mantel. Or church on Easter. Can’t meet Him on our terms. The day I surrendered, was the day I experienced life.  Jesus is the Truth, the Way and the Life.

 

A Walk Through Scum Valley

It was December 2007 when I got the call. Mom, my sisters and I explored all holistic possibilities to save my sister. She was 34 years old when throat cancer silenced her life, leaving her starved, and a skeletal semblance of who she was. I lost my dog Carter, a Great Dane a month before. I watched helplessly as he slowly hemorrhaged on my floor after making frantic calls to friends to help me take him to an animal hospital. An accidental cut on his foot revealed a clotting disorder. I wrapped his body in the quilt my Aunt and God Mother Ramona gave me. She died a few years earlier from a botched medical procedure. Her warmth and tender touch was all we had as kids, all that connected us to humanity. It’s times like this that raise the question of why bad things happen to good people. Growing up, I’d stomp my feet in a fit crying, “Not fair! It’s not fair.”

Pain comes often, like an unwelcomed visitor. Bringing a variety of excruciating flavors in circumstances that make us question life. Question God. I’ve read many books and articles on the subject that intellectually addresses the question of suffering but never really silenced that why.

Until I read something that bought it home this week. Zechariah 13:9. And I will bring them through the fire, and will refine them as silver is refined, and will try them as gold is tried. Here’s the answer to why we suffer - the mystery of glorification. A work God does in his kids to transform us into His image. A painful purifying process, where life breaks us down through hardships and removes impurities and weaknesses.  God compares us to silver and gold, it’s how precious we are to Him. But like those metals, we’re full of it. Sin is the waste mineral that can only be removed by fire. God, the Almighty Refiner. A Refiner who patiently hovers by the fire watching our sufferings. We’re never alone because He never leaves our side. Won’t risk his treasure alone in the flames. If you ask the Refiner how he knows when the dross is gone, he answers. When I can see my reflection.

We have a promise. He will bring us through the fire. And in the process, God says "Behold, I am making all things new."

 

Foxes and Sinkholes

So with advances in technology comes the Dark Sith. Lord Illegit Surveillance. Used for cyber thefts that bleed us dry, security is a necessary response. Verizon’s annual data breach investigation 2014 tells us there were 1,367 data breaches and 63,000 security incidents in 95 countries. Hackers make up 60% of cyber criminals and 25% are intellectual property spies. Hacked credentials was the primary source of cyber-crimes such as Target and the Heartbleed vulnerability, a security bug/defect that compromised user authentication in online communications when sharing passwords, emails, etc.

Infoworld says what’s different last year is that hacks were discovered by employees instead of the Feds or customers. Means we’re finally looking for fingerprints in our own computer event logs - our PCs/Macs monitor and record everything. ATMurglars used card skimmers to skim our wallets big time stealing card data and pin numbers everywhere. So watch that swipe. Although dirty deeds are discovered months later after the fact, they are found by the simple act of watching.

The Book of Songs by Solomon, king of Israel, composed between 971 and 931 BC warns us of foxes, a breed known to borough in holes, who are extremely cunning. He says they destroy our work. I don’t think Solomon knew he would be addressing modern day hackers, but this application works. He orders us to take these foxes, and cast them out. They may seem small, but the spread and damage is great. Foxes can also be anything that distresses your life- frenemies, bad habits, corrupt systems. By all means stop, look and listen for the sound of foxes. They’re all around us. The sooner you catch them, the better.

Failure - a Badge of Honor

Towering guy with rumbling laughter, blue-black skin, and a temper matching his proportions, my colleague is chockfull of advice. He's the Citrix expert reciting virtual processes upside down in his sleep. His best work is designing and configuration. The strength of his character lies in his convictions which match his ability to troubleshoot systems, implement disaster recovery where no single points of failure are tolerated. When Steve makes a call, no one questions it. He personifies his technology and few people move me to compassion like he does in his problem solving quest. It drives him to seek and destroy anything that smells foul anytime, anywhere. Poor performance, slacking management, lack of character, poor judgment calls , usually culminates in a workplace meeting.

"She left me downstairs by myself." Courtney said, pointing at me in the back of the room. I shuffled in my chair when our new manager stared me down from the front. Clearing my throat, I explained the situation. But I had been sentenced. "Courtney is now the team leader." I could feel the weight of my choice translating into an unpredictable calendar. Uncomfortable silence. And then Steve's thunderclap. "That's not how we do things here!" He bellowed hard, I nearly ran out of the room again. "We're a team. We work things out together. We don't level complaints against each other. This is your first week here!" he pointed at Courtney, eyeing our boss. Courtney steadied himself. My manager paled. When she found her voice, she said, "Courtney is the stable mentor." I had to ask. "What am I, unstable?" A roomful of laughter, Steve laughed too. Calling me his favorite nickname while shaking his head, "JZ, you are Vol- a- Tile!"

It happens to the best of us, Failure. Life is filled with problems but its how we handle it that determines who we are. God never promised a life free of difficulties but he gives us strength to rise above it - the ability to learn from our mistakes. Every fall leaves a scar. Every bruise is a lesson learned, a process that marks our course for success in life. Paul learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, in good times and bad times. Its your choice. Take alarming situations, accept inevitable failures and turn it into strength. Best disaster recovery, ever.

Sunscreen for the Soul

Sometimes family feels like you're wearing pants with an extra leg. It is a strange, and sometimes odd thing. It can be an ecclectic mix mash of sub-cultures, garage mixes, trends or not. In my world, I find it at work, a playground full of power players mastering and dismantling office politics. At home, it's a boys revolution of sorts- a pride of lions staking personal property in the altered landscape of divorce and failed ambitions. Personal wars leveraged at times against the dog desperately scurrying across the room between jumping jacks and through a tsunami of socks, Tshirts and towels when its laundry time - full of tight-fitting, outgrown arguments that are never settled, just buried away for another day to surge and form the American collective consciousness.

But here's something. At home, a long bitter feud ended with 3 words.

I forgive you.

Misdirected anger. Harsh words. Effects that linger a lifetime.

Choosing the well being of others over your own? Forgiveness is a fossilized concept, but here are the benefits. The emotion behind the action of forgiveness is love. Love covers - hinders the knowledge of a thing. It slows and prevents the damage of injuries we experience on a daily basis, whether intentional or not. So think of forgiveness like medicine for your soul. It is life insurance with health benefits. "And above all things have love among yourselves: for love covers the multitude of sins." Try it, you might like it.

Seventh Word

                                                                              7

                                              "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit."

He gave back to His Father His Spirit. Buried in a rich man's tomb. To have seen Him was to have seen the Father. His deeds and our deeds bear witness. Everyone reveals god by what you and I are. Alcohol. Money, Knowledge, Lust or Power. Even those who say there is no God. Look closely again. There you will find tucked in your heart, you've chosen your Master. god is where your heart is - in Thoughts, Deeds, Energy and Devotion. A dead passion to save. That's what Son of man came to seek & save.

Grace & Truth. Mercy & Justice. Peace & Righteousness, On Earth, a denial of Truth, a rejection of Heaven. Our alternate universe and concept of God, when rolling a Stone, becomes evident.
A Stone - Celebrates religious leaders silencing Truth.
A Stone - Hides Crimes of a government rejecting Justice.
A Stone - In answer to Righteousness through Violence.
A Stone - Entombs the Christ, Son of God.
For those who loved Him, A Stone - Tragic disappointment.
The Stone is the World's answer to God's efforts.

But Behold, on Sunday light shines despite the darkness. The stone is rolled away.
God removes it to heal you,
God removes it to give you life,
God removes it to supply your needs,
God removes it to show you only He is God.

A Stone, cannot hold Him back. When it is rolled away, He is Not there! Man has been redeemed.

O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?

Jesus shall reign, His kingdom shall come. Rejoice, He is Alive!