Ever wake up feeling vacant? Like nobody is home. Happened to me and I never felt anything like it. Woke up and I wasn't there. Had no feelings. No appetite. Didn't want to dress. That's scary. Riding the MTA in the buff. No shoes. Nothing. My alarm clock rattled time to work, but I just stared at it. Thought aliens were at work. Not body snatchers, cause all my extra poundage was there, but more like spirit and soul snatchers.
In detached silence, wondered how long would it'd last. Imagine spending your life hijacked. Lunch time. I wondered if the red peppers were local or grown out of state. They were juicier than normal. Made me think pepper juice. bleh. I felt more weird. Numb as an elephant riding my back. Told myself I am woman. I conquered the pogo stick 10 seconds before falling off once. Nothing worked.
Then I blamed yesterday. No warm water. Bills pouring out of my mailbox. My favorite childhood tree - chopped. Kids arguing outside my window at 2am about the origins of bathing.
"Bro, baths were invented by Paul Revere! He needed one the night the British were coming."
"Nah, my nigga. You dead wrong. Bathing caused the civil war. People living in the North were stealing soap from the South."
Smothering the pillow on my head was useless. They yelled nonsense that hurled me into a pseudo shock. Stuck in rock bottom. But I looked up. Some people don't look up until they're flat on their backs. They said of Jesus, a bruised reed shall he not break. Reeds - ancient yardsticks used to measure, God's tool to size us up. A man's measure is his worth. If I'd had one, I'd have used it to snap sense into those nitwits. But not God. No matter how broken we are. Or how often we fall short, Jesus. Will. Not. Cast you down. Ever.
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